We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
