Already got asked if we're dating
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
