Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
