i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
