capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
