I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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