i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
