Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
