Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
