I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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