i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
