Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize