C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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