my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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