I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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