JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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