Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
smell my finger.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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