I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
