Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
