Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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