she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
