Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
