oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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