I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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