I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
