I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
