another moral hangover. fuck.
Your dad touched me again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
