I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
