Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
