need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
