Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
