Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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