woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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