I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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