I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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