I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
