My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
