Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
