I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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