One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
