I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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