Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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