I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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