yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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