ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
