My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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