When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
