i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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