She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
