I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize