miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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