Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
