is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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