I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
