He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this just has baby written all over it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
