how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
