Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
