Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
