I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
