somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
