i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
