i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
