had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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