I can tuck mytits in my pants
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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