ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
