Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
