Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
