I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
