Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
