They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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