the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
