now i know why i became what i already was.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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