Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
