I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
