Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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